Raising Child Number Four

Six months ago we were blessed with our fourth child, Sophia.  She was a blessing as we struggled to have her and when we she was born our family finally felt complete.  We’ve always enjoyed having children and we were so happy to have her as an addition to our family.  It worked out great too since we still didn’t have a boys name while we were in the operating room.

But the one thing that we forgot to consider was that raising child number four was going to be a different experience than our other children.  There are some challenges that we have already faced and things that I know that we will have to deal with once we get to them.  So far it has been a different experience altogether and I thought I would share some of our challenges with you.

1. We are Over Thirty

I have always believed that age is just a number but the last six months have taught me that maybe in some instances, that attitude is wrong.  Sophia is our first child in our thirties and it has been a different experience altogether. 

The biggest thing that I have noticed is that our energy levels are just not what they used to be.  I really noticed that I was extremely tired about two weeks before she was born, but since she has come home my wife and I have been tired pretty much all the time.  I guess we didn’t think about the late nights with the baby before we had her as Alexandra was four and a half, so everyone was sleeping through the night at the time.

As much as I hate to admit it, having child number four reminded me that I am getting old.

2. Time

As much as our three kids took up my time before Sophia, I never really thought about it.  I was always busy during the day with them, but there was enough time to get some work done, clean up around the house and have some time for myself.  In many respects we had things figured out so our time was balanced between family and my needs with just three kids.

But when Sophia showed up, things changed.  All of a sudden there was one more person that needed more time that was a little less (pretty much not at all) understanding about my needs.  You know how it is when you have a new baby and you are at their mercy – if they need something, you inevitably end up helping them out.  I’m not bitter about this by any means, but I have had some issues trying to manage my time effectively since she showed up.  Instead of the usual predictable days that we had, Sophia can interrupt what you are doing at any minute.

3. Love

Child number four adds a positive aspect to my life insofar as love is concerned.  It always amazes me that you can add another person to your family and your heart grows with love for them.  If you asked me ten years ago if I ever thought I would be able to love another child like I loved William, I would have told you no.  But four kids later my heart is a lot bigger and having them makes my life brighter.

4. Memory

At one time in my life my mind was able to remember just about everything.  Names, faces, and discussions that happened weeks ago used to be all stored up in my noggin, but not anymore.  Sometimes if you ask me what happened yesterday, I really struggle to remember.  I suppose that goes with the lack of sleep, but it is kind of scary.  I mean, when you are as young as I am, you just don’t want to be in the position where you mind doesn’t work well – I depend on it for way too many things.

5. Nostalgia

The one thing that I have found with every baby that we have had is that they are a reminder of the children we have had before.  I don’t know about you, but there are certain moments that I have had with each child that have really stuck in my mind that I have enjoyed.

For example, whenever William had the hiccups, I took his shirt off to watch his chest – it was something that amazed me and put a smile on my face each time.  So having another baby lets you experience some of these moments that you treasured again.

One of my favorite things to do with babies was to let them sit down and watch them fall over.  It is fun to watch them work on learning to sit and it makes me smile watching their surprise as they fall over like this:

We’ve also had the chance to take out some of the clothes that I have loved to see on our kids as well as some of the same toys that we have had over the years.  The flower bell-bottom pants and the fish aquarium come to mind as some of those nostalgic items that we get to use again as well.

6. Sleep

When it came to sleep before child number four, I had it pretty easy.  Since Sophia was born in September, I had enjoyed sleeping in all summer and staying up late each night.  In many ways it was like being a teenager again – having the freedom to sleep whenever I felt like it.

But with the kids back in school and a new baby, sleeping in wasn’t an option anymore.  I had hoped that since Twyla was breastfeeding that my sleeping patterns wouldn’t change as much and I would still be well rested.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

There were nights where Sophia just didn’t want to sleep, so I found myself playing with a baby at four in the morning.  Even on those nights where I didn’t have to get up, I really didn’t sleep that soundly anyway because there is always a piece of you listening to see if she is awake or if the other kids need anything.

I didn’t realize how bad it was until a week ago when Twyla was away for a few days with Sophia.  I slept like a baby and for the first time in six months I would say that I was well rested like I used to be.  Unfortunately that changed in just a few days once the baby came back home.

Sleep..  I miss you.

7. Patience

I would like to think of myself as a patient person, and for the most part, I am.  But adding another kid to the mix adds another soul to try my patience and sometimes that is too much.  Anyone that has more than one child will tell you that things are okay most of the time, but when things do go wrong, it seems to all culminate in one big clump.

In our case, it is usually a combination of my wife being frustrated with the baby, the baby being frustrated with her, and the kids fighting over something not worth fighting over.  At these times my patience is tested, and I’ll admit, I don’t always maintain a calm demeanor.  But I would like to think that these times also help us to grow our ability to be patient and I am sure that I have a lot more than I did back when I was a brand new parent.

8. More Play Time

I have always considered myself to be a big kid, and I love to get down and play with my children.  I am guilty of making funny sounds, playing hide and go seek and playing tag on the playground.  Having child number four has increased the amount of time I will have to play with children (and toys) before I have that opportunity with my grandchildren.

Letting go of all of the responsibilities that comes with being a grown-up is important, and for me, playing games with the kids really helps with that.  In many ways it is a stress reliever, helps to spark my imagination, and gives me the opportunity to create moments with my children that they will remember for the rest of their lives.

Besides, having a bit of fun every day didn’t hurt anyone 🙂

Raising child number four has certainly been an experience so far, but I wouldn’t trade her for anything.  Sure, my memory sucks and I am tired all the time, but watching her grow up and interacting with her siblings is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.  I love all of my kids so much – I really can’t imagine life without them.